9th April 2021, 12.22pm
When I look back at all the things I have accomplished in life, they seem meaningless now. From having a classroom full of friends to having no one, I wonder where things went wrong. All I keep thinking was, what did I do wrong to jeopardize all my relationships that I’m left with none now. The world is a really cruel place to live in. The line between being real and being fake has faded so much that no one really knows which is which. Social media has played a big part in blurring that line. People are not what they portray in their nearly perfect social media handle. Most people don’t really care about substance anymore. It’s all just for the likes and comments. People are so cautious of their behavior online that they don’t realize how toxic it turns out to be for others. I am not saying everybody is that way but majority of social media is purely toxic and unhealthy.
I started writing this or rather ranting here, a year ago and stopped writing at all after some time. I fell into the endless pit of self-loathing and lost all motivation to do anything at all!
I miss my best friend. It has been two years since he stopped talking to me and it hurts just the same as it did two years ago when he left me. There is this void inside me that’s probably turning into a black hole and is trying to suck my life out of me. I don’t understand why it had to be this way, why things ended the way they ended, why is it so hard for me to let go and move on when he can. I can’t say I haven’t been able to trust others but I am just scared if things will repeat itself and I would end up getting hurt again, only the next time it would be much worse than now. I mean, I don’t want to feel miserable all the time. I want things to change, improve but I don’t know how that’s going to happen.